Re-raising yourself...

You never really know how you'll end up as an adult until you become one. We as children can have an idea about who we want to be and how we wish to live, not taking into account the environmental influences that play into your psyche and unique impression.

I was about 33 years old when I realized I had to raise myself to be the woman I was designed to be. Not the one scripted out for me through this matrix reality; but the one that was encoded in my DNA.

This woman was spiritually attuned with herself and nature, she was a creative, investor, entrepreneur. She was a mother who powerfully rewired her inner-child with love while she raised her own children. This woman, according to this construct was scripted to be a statistic. Uneducated, hopeless, dependent upon a welfare system, a community of poverty and of course drugs and alcohol.

I mean this was the preface of my story had I left it in the hands of the oppressive energy of this planet. My footprints upon birth were cosmic, etheric, they were the creation of the supreme mother.

I was from deep dark spaces of time, higher dimensions, god potent realms where my soul reflection is of a universal mineral mixture. I'm earth's tincture, that portal, the brigde between heaven and hell.

Yet the old rulers of this dying world didn't think so.

Born into a world that made my skin color not matter, my hair considered nappy, my unique expression undesirable all because I bare the identity of supreme majesty. The first God to reflect God!

Being raised by parents who were lost in their own journey. Trying to find themselves, while fighting a war of the mind, the money, the soul. I mean could I really blame them for selling and using drugs? Trying to understand love and thriving all while not knowing the real truth of a systemic pollution pressed upon there seeking solution...

This was my first impression, pollution.

I found this picture of myself when I was a child. I believe I was about 3 years old when it was taken and I'm outside of my grandmothers house with a pastel pink Addidas suit on. My arms open wide, with the fatest smile on my face. And actually, I vaguely remember this day. At least in the moments I look at it, it brings back feelings of pure joy. An innocence only children have when they feel unstoppable, loved and are naive to "real life".

I found this picture of me when we were at my grandmother's house cleaning after she passed in November 2023.

It's a happiness this picture brings that I yearn for today.

I cried when I found it because I miss this type of living. I didn't care about what the world makes you care about! I didn't know peer pressure, judgment, lack or anything that was of low vibration really. In this pic, I honestly didn't realize I was being programmed to not love myself, to think being broke and poor was apart of my life inevitably.

I was taught luxury didn't exist for black girls. I mean everything around me pointed to this notion I didn't realize just yet!

I had to re-raise myself in such a way that I had to make my entire nervous system believe, know and walk in authority of I AM WORTHY!

And it wasn't easy. It's not easy to show up for myself, advocate for myself, love on myself each and every day. It's like starting from the beginning. Digging into the mind archives of my childhood and adulthood experience thus far and literally sitiing my inner child down and telling her "no to this, no to that, that was meant to be this, this person didn't know this, you are valuable, I hear you honey, yes it's ok to cry, yes it's ok to speak your mind with integrally... etc."

it's an inner dialogue intentionally chosen so that I am constantly aware of myself and mental and emotiuonal state at any given moment. It's literally DOING THE WORK!

Re-raising yourself is giving yourself grace, your parents grace, those who hurt you grace. Not to hurt you again, but to help you see how the world shaped them too. And alot what I experienced as a child was apart of someone else's world views and karma.

I even tell my children "much of what you experience is because I'm raising you. as I raise myself. So please, be patient and forgive me for my trying because it is not perfect". And although they can only understand that to a level, I still like to be open and honest with my children. I do consider them and their voices...

However, at this current moment in my life, I decided I will heal my inner child by re-raising myself. Unlearning the bull shit, letting go of others' opinions and advice from their projected lens and try life for myself. On my terms and the terms of nature, the universe, my healthy, happy mental and emotional state.

I desire to live life according to what assists me in becoming greater. I'm going to face challenges with my big girl panties on while considering what my inner child needs. Talking softly to her, allowing her room to be angry, be joyous, be content, be "what's next" ready!!!

All the tingz' that were denied to me I am actively charging forward for them now!

Re-raising yourself if a start of an entirely new living condition. Yiu have the propensity to grow into a beautiful butterfly full of color, range, vision and purpose. Being fueled by love and the goodness of an unknown world.

Let us all re-raise ourselves and let go of the many of things we've picked up along life that silenced our inner child and creativity way too much.

I love you.

If you enjoyed this blog post please hit that "heart" button below. Share with your family and friends or social circle. As well as subscribe to my blog for more posts like this one...