Growing my "locs" was my way of rebelling against the European beauty standards I was taught growing up.

Baby being programmed to believe your hair isn't pretty enough, straight enough, or easy enough to manage from birth and having to deprogram it to reprogram YOU is hella work!

But I did it, and so can you if you're wondering.

At home in my cozy space with my plants. I really do love this photo of me. And my locs is fire! Thick hair don't care honey!

As long as I can remember from a youngin' I was getting told my hair was too thick and nappy and I should just keep it braided up or relax it. But most times, it was my grandmothers on my mother and father side who'd straighten my hair with a straightening comb.

How is someone with a natural god given textured hair suppose to "undo" what it's naturally doing? Why was my hair so hard to do? And why does it have to be frustrating for the person doing it? These are the questions I constantly asked myself many times while dreading getting my hair done or looking at it in the mirror.

Why do I have stupid hair? And why can't my hair be straight like the white girls I see at school or on tv?

I just didn't understand why God would give me "bad hair" and bless others with "good hair". Even the light skinned girls had "good hair". Did God love me?

Oh if I could tell that little brown girl back then what I tell my 9 year old daughter today, I could've saved my self years of chemical mutilation and self hatred. I'd let her know she has hair just like God. Thick and wooly, electromagnetic, and grows up towards the sun.

It's natural antennas leads back to the heavens and everything your connected to. It's super tight coils are representations of the forest and the fullness of your fro is directly connected to nature!

I'd tell little Natasha, like I tell my daughter, God made no mistakes with you and your hair. You were perfectly crafted into the image of a sacred divine goddess from the deep dark etheric realms, and your hair signifies strength, courage and might!

I went through so much trying to "look" like other girls by how I wore my hair. As I got older I just started to hate it period. I didn't even want to wear it rather it was straight or not. Braided or not. So I started wearing "weaves". Or "extensions", as a licensed cosmetologist like myself would say. I just didn't want it showing at all, so I wore gluesless wigs, glued wigs, long extensions and different colors too.

Girl I was killing'em with the blonde! You couldn't tell a bad bitch shit ok!

Now, at the beautifulf, graceful age of 39 honey you couldn't dare catch me with a long blonde weave lol. And I don't knock anyone who wears it, I just prefer ME at this age and stage of my evolution.

I also began to realize that my parents and grandparents has been programmed too! They were told they weren't cute with their natural hair either as my grandmother use to press my mom's and aunties hair as well. It was GENERATIONAL self hatred!

My mom and aunties had long, thick hair. But you'd never catch them without it straightened or relaxed. And that was passed onto me.

And it ends with me!

In 2020 when the scan-demic happened, and everyone was getting sick and at home with their families, I was encouraged by my spirit to just do it! GO NATURAL!

Or shall I say, RETURN NATURAL!

The amount of freedom I feel just being in my all-natural element is priceless. You couldn't pay me enough to go back to weaves, relaxers or anything other than my natural hair!

I just wanted to be done with it all! I actually stopped relaxing my hair back in 2015 when I was attending beauty school to get my license in cosmetology. But then 2020 came, and around August, September sometime, I made that leap to loc it up!

And here we are some 5 years later ya' favorite skincare bae is loc'd and happy!

Locing my hair was one of the best choices I've made personally for myself in my life's journey so far. It was literally a middle finger to the standard of beauty I was subjected to. A standard that just was not mine!

The quality of my life enhanced. I was more comfortable in my own skin and hair. The guys who approached me were of a different caliber than your typical "dope boys" or "club promoters" or "popular dudes" in the city.

You know the type that love them a long weave wearing hoochie lol! Yes that was me chile!

And don't get it twisted, I pay homage to every version of the women I've been. ALL 100 of them lol. They help mode, build and return me back to ME. The original hair me. And it really triggered a new beginning for my entire life.

Like the journey I'm continuing now. One of authenticity, one of transparency, one where my throat chakra is activated and I speak my mind, create boundaries and maintain power over my life, my look, my feelings. One where I don't have to "put on" to be loved, respected and valued. A journey where I'm understanding now that all I need to create my wealth is ME!

My elder, Lovell Rowser, my mentor and master teacher ( he doesn't like that term too much lol) told me years ago, "use your power to create your wealth". And ya'll I never really understood up until recent what that truly meant.

And now I do. I'm the bag! I'm that wealth package and I'm the co-creator of that utoipa I deserve. ME. The locs helped me to unlock parts of me needed to bring down my heaven to the quantum field, ie; creating my world in partnership with the universe.

And I'm so grateful and appreciative for honoring my needs and my wants and that little voice thta was screaming to be freed! It all started with my rebellion against the European standard of beauty set upon me at a very very early age...

REBEL SIS, BRO... REBEL AND RETURN TO YOURSELF!

If you enjoyed this blog post, please be kind and like the "heart" icon below. Share it with your family and friends in your social circles on and offline. Someone may need to hear this to make that big transition back to self.

Leave a comment below as well if your up to it on your natural hair journey. Let's create a safe space to share our vulnerabilities without fear of judgement!

I love you, your local skincare bae, Natasha.